Friday, 6 December 2013

All I want for Christmas is......

I was sitting on the settee with Emily last week and I noticed she was writing for all she was worth – smoke bellowing from the tip of her pen as it screeched across the page, line after line after line of her notebook. Every now and again she would look at me through the corner of her eyes, the edges of her mouth would curl up, I’d look at her and she’d giggle.

This all sounds rather cute, and yes it is. But what you need to understand about Emily is that when she does things like this it normally means she’s having rude thoughts or, more than likely, she’s hatching a plan – a plan which usually has mischief written all over it. Emily you see (and I hope this comes as a comfort and an encouragement to those with young children fearing for the future) well Emily is a bit…..how can I put this?......well she’s a little bit bonkers, she’s crazy, she’s daft and enchantingly so. But then she shares the same genes as the rest of us here and we’re all slightly fruit loopy too (although we do manage to trick people fairly regularly into thinking we’re quite sensible – actually nothing could be further from the truth and if you invite us round for dinner, you do so at your own peril!). So rather than sitting rocking in a corner, which was pretty much what we were told when she was born, Emily is forging her own way in the world in her own inimitable style and has developed a personality so huge she should come with a public health warning.

So there I was sitting on the settee wondering what on earth Emily could be up to now. “What are you writing?” I asked.
“Ssshhhh It’s my Christmas list” came the reply.
“Oh, I see” I said, knowing that this was going to be fun. Emily loves to make lists you see – just like her Mum and her big sister (genes you see – there’s no getting away from them). Emily’s birthday present list last year was amazing. And she loves to write to Santa. And why not? To be honest the only reason I don’t write a list anymore is because I’m fed up of Santa always bringing me the wrong presents. I remember a Christmas not so long ago when my list specifically stated a new motorbike and a night out with Kylie and what did I get? – a skateboard and a Jason Donovan in concert DVD – now come on I know there’s been a recession and all but quite frankly…..

No, I’m sorry, you’re right, it’s not about my list. Where was I? Oh yes……   

“What’s on your list so far?”  I asked Emily.

At this invitation Emily cleared her throat and began to reel off the longest Christmas list that Santa is ever likely to receive. Not just the longest, oh no, the longest and the wackiest. This was a list that would have been well received in Narnia or Hogwarts. But I think even Aslan or Harry Potter might have struggled to rustle up the most eclectic and, frankly, insane stocking full of presents you are ever likely to dream up. And whoever might own a stocking large enough for these gifts is probably best steered well clear of. Surely even Hattie Jacques or perhaps Mo from the Roly Poly’s couldn’t have owned a stocking large enough for these gifts. No Santa, I think you’re likely to need many stockings for this one!

Anyway you decide. Here’s the list in its entirety. You might need to put the kettle on half way through so I’ll warn the national grid there’ll be a surge somewhere between “a shower cap” and “a photograph of Gary Barlow”.

Emily’s Christmas List 2013  


Drum kit
T-shirts
Hair dye
Poster of Ant & Dec
Hairband
Waterloo Road DVD
A Sooty book
Pom poms
Leather coat
Waist band
Guitar
CD
Handbag
New dress
Vacuum cleaner
Wood toy (Toy Story)
Disney back pack
Bra
Pants
New shaver
Ice cream maker
Machine
Bubble bath
Shower cap
Baseball cap
Ball of soap
Talcum powder
New outfit
New fashioned leg warmers
Funky belt
Scooter
Washing machine
Rags (like Cinderella)
Hair colour
Trousers
Cheeky skirt
Remote
Bible
Coat
Flowers
Sports bra
Thermometer
Photograph of Gary Barlow
Blossoms
Plates
New ribbon for my hair
Telephone
Chocolates
Selection box
Hair remover
Sandals
Bikini
Jacuzzi
Radio Hallam FM
Toilet seat
Onesie
Gel
Dancemat
Trampoline
Gym skirt
Tie
Orange cake
Wand
Bicycle
Spinning plates
Clips
Grips
Grapes
Pigtails
Angels flying around
Cheerleader uniform
Book shelf
Smoke
Fishing rod
Karaoke machine
Hair cream
Biscuits
Cleansing wipes
New floor
Braces
Frying pan
Wine glass
Rubber snake
Rubber
Pencil sharpener
Miss Piggy
Disney Princess outfit
Magazine
Sexy clothing
Lunch box
Hairdo
Football pitch
Boat
Raft
Jumper
Diving board
Whistle
Suit
Scary catwalk
Wig
Curly hair
Ant & Dec
Carpet
Puppy
Ice skates
Basketball
Racket
Face mask
Gate
Cathedral
Nest
Telephone box
Police scanner
A booklet of William


Santa, the ball is now well and truly in your court – the very best of luck!!!

And if I don’t speak to you before, have a lovely Christmas  x

Emily with one of her favourite gifts last Christmas - sprouts!!


1 comment:

  1. DO you think she felt guilty about the cheeky shirt request, prompting the bible note? That's awesome.
    Marcus only asks Santa for one thing every year: Broadway.
    No, not a DVD or a CD. Just the whole kit & Kaboodle - Broadway.
    Boy will I be in trouble if he ever gets it.
    And you're welcome to pop round for dinner anytime. Just give me, what? 16 hours warning or so....

    ReplyDelete